New Years Resolutions

December 11, 2006 12:45 AM

I was originally going to start this post off with a retrospect of my previous resolutions posted on the TVGA forums, but realized that those were for 2005. The only real post I could find about New Years 2006 was a thread that devolved (not spurred on by anything I did!) into whether or not I was lonely and desperate enough to kiss another ostensibly lonely and desperate woman on New Year's just so I had someone to kiss. Sometimes, I hate my life so much.

But, out of the five real resolutions I made in 2005, I did finally manage to keep some of them:

• I haven't written new forum software. We're still on phpBB.
• I did make it to 60 on World of Warcraft with my priest. However, I no longer play.
• We aren't really doing many TVGA events at this point, but everyone has weird schedules.
• I actually did something with dylanwolf.com. However, it took until late 2006 to accomplish this.
• I did move out of my parent's house in 2005. The "loser" part is hard to quantify, and I'm not sure that I've achieved it.

Now, I wasn't trying to come up with New Year's resolutions when I wrote these, but these are things that, after much consideration, I really need to change. Unlike resolutions, they shouldn't wait for January 1, and they aren't quantifiable. They're also, ironically, things I need help with, not something I can do on my own. So, here goes:

• Stop being a jerk. I am a sarcastic, bitter person surrounded by other sarcastic and bitter people. I make fun of people and things I don't really understand, and it's pretty accepted behavior because everyone else around me does it.
• Adopt a healthier lifestyle. This isn't a "lose X pounds in Y months" thing, nor does it mean I'm going to be eating nothing but salads for the rest of the year. But I need to try to cut out some of the overeating, try to keep up the exercise on a regular basis, and check my blood pressure regularly (or at least any time I'm in Wal-Mart). Ordinarily, I feel like a complete moron or a wannabe health nut doing this, which is part of the problem--I have to sneak around to save my pride if I want to do it. If I asked for more support--if I was accountable to other people (not doctors, but my friends) for it, it might go a little better.
• Open up. I'm realizing more and more that I have some problems that are probably not signs of healthy, normal mental activity (although, to be fair, they're obviously not to the point that I'm unable to function in normal society). A lot of this stems from talking to a programmer at the new company who's as nervous, obsessive-compulsive, and paranoid as I am. Of course, I don't discuss my oddities normally because I don't want to look crazy. However, if I can pass my problems off to everyone else as nothing to worry about, then I'm also convincing myself that they're of no consequence.
• Lower my thresholds for flipping out. I am prone to "flip out," as it's been labeled by my roommates, and I do it for a lot of reasons. I react strongly and harshly to things I don't want to deal with, or things that bother me that I can't control. Some of these are merited (I really don't feel guilty about flipping out after being sent free samples of certain... personal products in my name as a prank). Most of them aren't merited--for example, I don't need to take threats to embarrass me so literally when (a) the person is probably joking (although this isn't always obvious to me) or (b) the person would get in more trouble for doing it than I would.. I think I can work on not freaking out so strongly, but the "help from others" in this case is laying off just a bit, or at least not pushing my thresholds.
• Open up and lower my thresholds for flipping out.In some cases, though, I only flip out to avoid a touchy subject, even though it might be best to talk it out. (The "you should ask _______ out" conversations that Jen has started out of the blue are a good example of this.) I guess that one falls under the previous resolution, as I need to be willing to talk things out rather than react. However, in this case, the "help from others" is using a less shocking approach. :P